There’s this adage that old generals always end up preparing their troops for the war in which they last fought. I think being a parent is a lot like that too sometimes. You remember the lessons you learned while growing up, particularly your failures, and try to help your children take full advantage of your own hard-won wisdom. Even though you know they will be fighting their way across different battlefields.

Lately I’ve been remembering just how spectacularly unprepared I was to go off to college. The passage of time thankfully has a way of yielding some perspective.

Here’s some of the things I wish someone had told me back then:

You will make mistakes both academically and personally. Messing up is fine in most cases. You’re learning. Just don’t make a habit of repeating the same mistakes.

It’s ok to be lonely because that’s part of being away from home and in a new place and finding a new way. Feeling adrift is uncomfortable but it’s a temporary thing - even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

College is a lot harder when you’re running solely on caffeine and sheer panic. Eat good food. Drink water. Exercise.

Don’t mix booze and new people. Alcohol is fine if you’re legal and smart about it, but safety comes first.

If something feels off - a person, a situation, a choice - step back. Trust your gut. If you feel uneasy, leave; you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Similarly, you can say “no” to anything. Parties, dates, group work, “just one more drink”… your consent applies to all parts of life.

If someone makes you guess where you stand, they’re not worth your time.

Your destiny isn’t handcuffed to your major. Skills, network, and adaptability ultimately matter far more than your specific degree title.

You are NOT defined by grades, majors, or mistakes. You ARE defined by your character, how you treat people, and how you bounce back when life knocks you around.

You will occasionally struggle and feel so overwhelmed that maybe you should just go quit. Sticking with something hard, pushing past the part where everything seems broken and wrong and you feel utterly talentless to get to the next part is what really separates people. It isn’t innate talents or gifts of intellect. It’s just not quitting when everyone else does.

Call home every so often. Not because your family needs to check on you, or are worried about you, or missing you - but because hearing your voice will always be the best part of their day.

And - just in case you happen to be my daughter reading this: